I would tell you that I finally feel that hunger for The Word that I've been told about for so long. That I've felt that hunger for prayer and have been enjoying it deeply for some time now, cherishing even, my new found way of speaking to my Maker. I would tell you that I can not explain it, my God and I have always talked, even when it was very little or I was mad at Him but this is a new kind of talk...an evolved kind of conversation. I feel shy about it but I feel like He and I have this beautiful secret we share with each other when the world has gone to sleep and I am loving it.
I'd probably tell you that is why I am so excited about this new taste in my spirit for the Bible because honestly I was really starting to feel left out as a Christian, everyone seemed to be having this experience with it that I wasn't having. I mean sure I love it and was coming to understand it but now I...feel this satisfaction of understanding that makes me get up in the morning and wonder what I will learn today, that has me eagerly looking at my phone wondering what new lesson awaits me, smiling, hungry.
I'd probably tell you how annoyed I also am at the world, how marginalised I feel, how hated I feel as a Christian. How everywhere I turn I feel like everyone is telling me I do not have the right to believe what I believe but they do. Hey and don't get me wrong; they do have a right to believe what they want to believe. I'm not the sort of Christian who goes around glaring like all sinners should die, down with the gays or what not because I honestly do not believe that that is what the love of God requires me to do. He calls me to love not to judge. So that is what I do, I accept people's free will to not believe my beliefs, to live their life as they see fit...I just wish they would less hostly accept mine. I would tell you that I feel it is unfortunate but it does not make me believe any less. It does not make the love I feel ever present from my maker any less potent. It just makes me a bit sad sometimes.
If we were at a coffee shop I would probably tell you that blogtember was great fun. I would tell you about all the wonderful new bloggers I explored and loved getting to know. I'd tell you that I loved laughing at Under the Oklahoma Sky's youtube vlog and that I watched it over and over. That I cant wait to see what she re-brands as and how it all looks! I'd tell you that I have loved meeting Helen of I Will Bloom, that Britney Lee's Iggy reference makes me chuckle to myself still and that I honestly just cant mention all the women I loved reading from this September because I don't want to forget anyone and then remember a minute or two after we've parted like I usually do. I'd tell you how I simply must do a Blogtember blog post round up so I can better process all the wonderful posts and blogs I recently was introduced to!
I'd probably tell you that even with the new I still continue to love aspects of pass follows, like that I miss Jessica L's posts, that I find myself loving Piri a little more with every post made by Jane even though I thought hearing about someone else's dog would eventually get annoying but it hasn't. How I wish Stephanie would shower us in those baby photos already omg the cuteness.
If we were at a coffee shop together I'd probably tell you how much blogtemper inspired me to think about things I likely wouldn't have otherwise. How I'm glad I tackled every prompt even though the guest post and the vlog post were so nerve wrecking but I'm glad I crafted it in my own style and came up with something unique and fun. I'd probably tell you how I can already see the benefits of writing everyday, how it keeps my brain active and makes other cognitive challenges in my life easier to deal with. I'd probably tell you how I wonder why this never accrued to me before?
If we were at a coffee shop I would probably tell you that I can feel change happening in me everyday lately. I can feel myself growing and it's not even scary. In fact it's rather exciting, which is weird for me because I usually only notice change after the fact.
If we were at a coffee shop I would probably tell you that I am exhausted and a we bit pissed about the new cancer scares that have showed up on me but not angry with God, not today. I'm angry at the opposing force that chose to attack me in this vulnerable place likely in hopes that I will loose this taste in my mouth and stop feeding the hunger I told you about up top.
If we were at a coffee shop together I would probably be exhausted and would probably be drinking tea because I don't really like coffee and would probably have a lot to say but I probably wouldn't say any of it because I am shy and awkward and when I am at a coffee shop I would much rather look and listen anyway.
What would you say to me if we were at a coffee shop together?