( Freaking out text sent this morning. This may or may not have ended with profanity)
The prospect of a new experience, one that takes you out of your comfort zone and into the giant looming jaws of uncertainty is not just a scary feeling but a feeling that is depiction cloaked. It cripples your feet so that you can not move forward and by extension you remain in a state of suspended fear.
It causes you to doubt everything you are and everything you believe in. Suddenly you're bringing all of your own motives into questions: why did I think I could do this?! I should just give up.
Except can you live with the choice to give up instead of the prospect of failing?
On my way to fight a battle today I realised that I heard myself whisper as I got closer and closer to what felt like impending doom: I should just give up. Surprisingly, even though I had heard myself say it so many times on my way there, maybe this time my senses were heightened by the realisation that any minute now I would literally come face to face with my challenge I don't know... but this time, when I heard the statement word for word I heard a whisper back.
I heard my heart answer: psh, I would rather fail than give up. (not that I will fail by the grace of God) I shocked myself almost to a halt as I brought into perspective the possibility of not trying at all for fear of failure. I realised that having my bare feet lay confused upon new ground, new soil, a new chapter in my life...no matter how scary that might be nothing could beat the uncertainty of never having ventured towards this.
I guess it's a matter of asking yourself can you live with it? I know that this answer will be different for everyone and I admit that sometimes I actually can...but I also admit that sometimes was not today.
Peace. Love. New Ground.
Really great post. So much to think about. Thank you. Love your term 'depiction cloaked': utterly brilliant! 'Can you live with it?'.....gosh, that's a question I needed to see posed today. It's liberated me during a difficult decision process I'm going through. Thank you. My answer was 'No', so tomorrow I take the actions I need to take.
ReplyDeleteBeautiful words sweetie. I have to say I have I would usually give up an endeavour if I assumed failure was imminent. But after reading this, no longer will I do this. So thank you xxx
ReplyDeleteThank you!! I feel honoured to have been able to inspire you! ♥
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