Victory 2016 Update

Here is a look at my 2016 as a clutched tight to the Victory

// I did the voice over for a television commercial in January

// I finished obtaining my degree at university.

// I travelled interstate within the United States on my own via plane in July

// I went to the NOAH CONFERENCE!!! - July

// I did some solo travel using the New York bus system in July

// I co produced a show that taught artists that they deserve to have their greatness recognised, even by themselves in June

// I performed spoken word at the NYC poetry festival on Governors island in July

// I saw live poetry at the famous Newyorican cafe in July

// I was the muse to the painting portion of a two artist exhibition in November

// I read so many many books all year.

// I wrote and performed as a part of a job at a Gala

// Registered my business in November!!

// I was incredibly brave.

// I did not give up


I'm sure there is so much I am forgetting but oh well, 2016 thanks for being so good to me.

Peace. Love. Good Years

Shattered Expectation A Play

 Hey guys! I recently took in a play by my favourite local playwright Francis Urias Peters. It was a fantastic Sunday evening out and I can wait to write all about it!

Bookish Gift Guide :: Subscription Box Edition

1. Owlcrate - owlcrate is my favourite, so much so I even bought one of their boxes, November 2016! It's far too expensive for me as an international to keep up the practice but it's definitely worth it! They send you a recently released Young Adult Fiction book. Every month is also themed. Owlcrate is a Canadian company that packages and ships out of the United States. They ship internationally and send you a hardcover book with a great set of bookish themed goodies!
2.  Fairyloot - Every month is also themed. They are based out of London but ship internationally too. They are also a YA Book box that send you a hardcover book with bookish themed items.
3. My Book Box - This subscription box sends you two books of your chosen genre, a special gift for you and a little exclusive content based on the books you received. Their intention is to send you just what you need. They only promise that your book will have been published in the last 45 days. This subscription allows you to get a book in your favourite genre and one in your significant other's favourite genre or one for you and one for your little one if that's what you'd like to do instead. Hey and you could even get both for yourself, I aint gonna judge.
4. Nerdy Bookwarm Box - Now this is another book box I'm very excited to try someday! They work with people in the writing industry in the United Kingdom to bring you 'unique and exclusive hand crafted bookish goodies, such as candles, tote bags, bookmarks, and more.' So you get a YA novel and a few bookish goodies to put a smile on your face. From what I've seen, they usually have really fantastic prints that come with their box! Plus, it's blue, my favourite colour! It is costed in pounds though so it will be a very long time before I can ever try it, if at all. Definitely my second favourite so far i will admit!
5. Once Upon a Book Club - This one looks super fun even from the very packaging, the whole thing looks like a giant book! They give you a book, a few things that are specific to the book and hints that require to only pen these things when you get to a particular page of the story! How adventurous right?! Their website stays they 'you'll receive a book (can be paperback or hardcover) to read, a 5" x 7" quote print, along with 2-4 corresponding gifts to match a quote/item mentioned in the book. Each individually wrapped with a page number. Readers, open the gifts as they finish the corresponding page. You'll also find book club discussion questions in each monthly box. Each question will have a date next to it. Log onto our Instagram page on that date to discuss the book with other members of the Book Club community' Um an international interactive book club?! HOW fun is that y'all?

All these bookish subscription boxes would make fantastic Christmas presents for the book lover in your life! Do let me know if you ever gave them a try?

I Want To Be A Voice That Counts...

Hey everyone!

In my country, elections time is always full of heated emotions. Here our governmental is system has close resemblance to Westminster and we have our re-election every five years. This time round, the opposing party one all fifteen seats in government, leaving us with no opposing party (always scary in any part of life) and my humble land has yet again made history in the Caribbean as the only country who has had the same party win every seat in government twice. 

That's not even what I'm writing about today though, I had a lot on my mind the last time elections came around because it was the first time I really felt like a citizen who would truly be seriously affected by the decisions of my country, not just a kid with the ability to vote.

Today is another big day in my country's history, we are going to the polls again, this time for constitutional reform. Today, I wanted to write a little about the choice to vote.

It's a topic that has actually swirled about in my mind for quite some time. There are always those people who tell you that you simply must vote, after all, it is your right to so do. There are also those who tell you that you really don't have to do anything. Now, both those people are right; you do not have to do anything in life really, you could just sit at home and wait to die too if it fit your fancy...

What I find most disconcerting is when the masses are told that you should not vote or register to vote, not because you have a choice but because you want to be defiant.

The only point in life when I can stand defiant as a valid reason to do or not do anything is in toddlers, just learning to talk, who are saying 'no' to everything simply because they have just realized and are learning that their voice has weight and makes an impact. They eventually grow out of it and realise that it is okay to say yes to the things you want and no to the things you don't. 

I feel adults should be able to do the same.

Now these thoughts really started to make me think when I read a status of a friend of mine, urging everyone to remember that just as they have a right to vote, they also have a right not to vote and that they shouldn't let anyone convince them to vote simply because it is their right to do so. Again, I can get behind that, down with peer pressure! However, she made a statement I had struggled with when I was younger too. She implied that if you make the choice to vote when the options have a history of not full filling promises, knowing this, you 'loose the right to complain'

I found this an interesting take and decided to voice my disagreement as like I said, I used to be of that particular persuasion at some point. We discussed it a little, with her asking

 "Why? Unless you were drunk when you voted, you knew full well what you were doing, and what would happen, but did it anyway. So I don't want to hear a word of complaint from your mouth after doing that."

I think that to choose to vote for a representative is to choose to vote for the ideals they say they stand for and the actions they outline in their manifesto. To say you 'KNEW' that they were lying is pretty much impossible unless you're a mind reader. However, if they get there, having said they would stand for you as a citizen of this country, in a particular way and then don't do so...then as a citizen of this country, you have EVERY right to protest their lies and the bad decisions they have chosen to make for your country.

The responsibility of the voter does not end on election day, it is also your responsibility to encourage or protest the actions of the government you put into power. That's why we have such things as the sitting of parliament in PUBLIC within the eyes of the people, the choice of calling your representative and asking for a town hall meeting and if I remember correctly, representatives of the people from the public sector. That last one I'll have to re check my notes on the specifics of though

(I did, yes we do, as senators).

While I do not believe anybody should be pressured to vote or not to vote I also believe that as a voter you give yourself even more of a platform to say boldly and publicly 'stick to what you took and oath and promised me.' My friend expanded on their perspective, proposing the following:

" That's all true, but if you know enough about a person/ party to date, have seen what they did, have seen what became of their promises you should be able to know whether that kind of person will or will not stick to what they said.

And I wasn't really talking about contesting bad leadership, I was mostly talking about literally sitting down and whining to anyone who would reluctantly listen, about how bad the government is.

Basically, if you have all the reasons laid out for you as to why not to vote for a person/ party, but do it any way, and they don't live up to your unfounded expectations, don't whine about it.

If you know someone is a compulsive liar, and then they tell you something and swear it's the truth then later you find out it was a lie, you can't go and make a big deal out of it, because you knew from the beginning that they were a compulsive liar."

 Now let me continue  by saying, while i see well where my friend is coming from, i am still inclined to disagree. You see, it is easy to say that people in government lie and cheat when we have so much political propaganda clouding the way our media works. Campaigners know that all one needs is a shadow of a doubt to turn the minds of the people in the direction you want it to go, often it works too.

My point is, far too often and for too long i believe my people have let themselves believe that they do not have a right to argue a point against the party they support. We have got to get out of this mentality of party politics. That you can only support one party, for the rest of your life, never change your mind, never listen to what the other side has to say.

I do not believe in party politics, I do not believe in wearing any colour or jersey to support for whom I am voting  I believe that this is my business and my business alone. Do not ask me. I will not tell you. Whoever comes into governance, as a citizen of this country, regardless of whether my voice counted toward putting them up their or not, you better believe i am going to say 'no' when they do something that is not going to benefit my country and 'good job' when they do.

In all honesty, just as people who vote knowing the history of others pissed my friend off, it was easy for me to understand their perspective because people who do not vote period, pissed me off so much when I was younger. When I was younger I felt: but you said nothing, not a peep in either direction, not yay nor nay so what gives you the right to say anything now?

Then I realised...politics is suppose to provide an opportunity for citizens to listen to ALL sides and make an informed decision. Not make the decision of their parents, handed down through generations, not make a decision inspired by fear of victimization because our country is so small and 'everyone will know' who you support because for some reasons, even though we have a secret ballad system,  people feel the need to shout at the top of their voices the decision they plan to make on election day. Not a decision made because changing your mind is considered treasury, deserving of you loosing your pay check when the party you did not support comes into rule. Changing your mind it's treason, it's education. It's considering new information when it becomes available and considering it. It is not weakness, it is learning.

We are all toiling under the same sun, loving the same beaches and bathing in the same sea. Why aren't we all deserving of the same right to protest and or support? We are and we need, ever so desperately, to stop letting people convince us of otherwise. I vote because I don't want to be just a voice, I want to be a voice that was counted. I thank God for choice.

This post was started on the day my country held it's last general elections and recently edited that's why my watermarked photos hold my previous blog title.

Black Friday Book Deals: // SIGNED COPY OF Edition

These titles are on my to be read list (tbr) and will also be available at Barnes and Nobels this Black Friday weekend, their  SIGNED BY THE AUTHOR copies that is:

high on my TBR:
Heartless by Marissa Meyer
Salt to the Sea by Ruta Sepetys

Maybes on my TBR:
Children of Eden by Joey Graceffa
Empire of Storm  by Sarah J. Mass (Throne of glass series book 5)
Commonwealth by Anne Patchett 
The Book Thief by Markus Susak (10th Anniversary Edition)
The Midnight Star by  (young elites series book 3)

They also have a host of other titles available in signed version. 

You can check out the list here

Christmas Gift Guide for the Reader BOOK EDITION

I read some amazing books this year. Books that changed me. Books that made me happy to be alive and opened my mind to different ways of thinking. Books that helped me to remember that I am not thinking the thoughts that I am thinking for the first time since the world existed. Which believe it or not is a rather valuable lesson.

Here are some of these books in order of love and longing:

1. RED RISING TRILOGY BY PIERCE BROWN
2. SIX OF CROWS DUALOGY BY LEIGH BARDUGO
3. THE LUNAR CHRONICLES SERIES BY MARISSA MEYER
4. THE ILLUMINAE FILES SERIES BY AMIE KAUFMAN AND JAY KRISTOFF
5. THE REST OF US JUST LIVE HERE BY PATRICK NESS
6. EVERYTHING EVERYTHING BY NICOLA YOO

It is my firm belief that any reader would find it an over whelming joy to have these books join the ranks of their library.  Including yours truly. Hardcover is bae btw. What with authors and publishers taking such care to ensure that their hardcovers have a beautiful naked design along side their beautiful dust jackets, how could one resist them!?

In 2016 Pierce Brown told me to 'break the chains' and 'Live for more' and I'll never forget it.  Lee Burdugo dared me to consider that 'In this life you get what you take' and reminded me that it's okay if you are not a flower because sometimes instead you may very well be 'all the blossoms in the forest blooming at once'  Marissa Meyer reminded me that deep down, sometimes it's 'Just right' and that there are different markers in life that highlight to 'beginning of everything.' Patrick Ness helped me heal a deep dark part of my soul and Nicola Yoon told me to spread my hands wide and jump because 'The greatest risk is not taking one' at all.

Peace. Love. Good Reads
by the way you cant totally follow me on goodreads.com by clicking here

Independent Travel in NYC as a VI Foreigner with the CityMapper app!

I used this a lot when I was in New York City this summer. The CityMapper app, It REALLY helped me on the bus. 

It worked perfectly on the bus at first but after a while it took it a second to realise I was at my stop so it only ended up telling me I passed my stop. (it would buzz pretty much the second the bus left my stop) so I had to be looking and paying much attention, which I didn't mind. After all, I was trying to get where I was going so it was my business to have a heads up and it was usually only ever one stop off. 

I could tell the moment I passed it so I could orient myself to go back one stop as in the time that I missed my stop it was only a short distance behind me. 

Since I can't see the street signs, I loved using this because it told me every stop between my stop and where I started and I could look when I passed it. I wasn't really able to read them but it helped me feel more secure knowing I could explain where I was if I needed to so do. 

I didn't get a chance to try it on the train except once but I couldn't use it because I got no service underground. 

I had a lot of trouble with it walking though..I had to play around with it but ended up just relying on a friend using google maps and trying to use google maps myself. That part was a bit frustrating, the walking bit. Mainly because I was so not used to using it.

Definitely my favourite travel app so far though really I haven't tried many of them. Citymapper also allows you to make a profile within the app and  even change cities in the app if you travel from one major city to another which is really encouraging and just feeds my sense of adventure even with a visual impairment. It made me feel a lot more secure and continues to be available in many of the major U.S. cities. Even major countries too I believe.

I look forward to getting to know the train system better with it when I travel again.

Musing :: Style : Graduation OOTD

Hello from the other side.

We were charged to where all white for my graduation ceremony as the alumni before us have done. Except for shoes, shoes are black.

Yes Please by Amy Poehler Mini Book Review

Morning lovelies, so I finally read Yes Please and I wanted to write about it some. 

Took me two days, I did it as a bit of stress relief when preparing to tackle my sociolinguistics final. Usually I do literary reviews because, well, I like them. For this one though, I feel like doing a mini review.

Mini Review: When I first started 'Yes Please' I had no idea who Amy was nor have I seen her in anything on tv. I admit her style of comedy isn't really my slice but as the book went on I really got a sense of her. Honestly, I felt like she was trying way too hard to be funny in the earlier chapters but I get why, I mean it is her profession after all. She really turned out to have a lot of wisdom though.

Amy Pauler uses flashbacks and episodic instalments of life experience to shape the purpose of her book. When she first begins we simply get a look at her as a person chasing a big dream but as she go on the audience stops being a listener or audience and for or a partner present in the moments she is sharing about. The author resets each scene fore you so that you almost feel like you were standing next to her in these moments she talks about like looking at the stars or when her doctor dies.

The language of her book changes coming to the second half from introspective to dreamy and then back again. Personally, I really liked the dreamer sections where she is just a person pouring her heart out about how she feels about things and less about how you should feel.

I guess i'm bias, i don't usually like books that suggest i should feel this way or that about a thing, at least not out right, let me decide but this does a lot of that and with what is very much like a moral of adult life coming to the end of each chapter.

It's an interesting perspective on an ordinary life made extraordinary with will, perseverance and a refusal to settle for  a notions of exception due to things that can be changed such as location and occupation.

In this book the author dares to ask boldly and with reckless abandon why not in the face of can not every time. When life presents her with the tiniest possibility of a shimmer of greatness she raises her hand and steadily adheres Yes, please.

It's wonderful to read what happens on her bath as a result of this.

My Graduation Playlist

"Success is waking up in the morning so excited about what you have to do that you literally fly out the door. It's getting to work with people you love. Success is connecting with the world and making people feel. It's finding a way to bind together people who have nothing in common but a dream. It's falling asleep at night knowing you did the best job you could. Success is joy and freedom and friendship. And success is love."~Fame

Tracklist:

The Climb - Miley Cyrus

'There's always gonna be another mountain, I'm Always gonna wanna make it move.lways gonna be an uphill battle, sometimes I'm gonna have to loose.

I Lived - One Republic

'With every broken bone, I swear I lived'

 Fight Song - by Rachel Platten

'Like a small boat, on the ocean, sending big waves, into motion. 
Like how a single word can make a heart open. 
I might only have one match...put I can make an explosion.'

 And all the those things I didn't say.
Wrecking balls inside my brain...
I will scream them loud tonight!
Can you hear me this time?!
This is my fight song.

 and I don't care if nobody else believes.
cause I've still got a lot fight left in me.'

When I was born seeds of concern where sewn into my mother's heart. The nurses were concerned and they shared it with her, just a little after birth.  Maybe they had the best intentions and wanted to prepare her for the challenges ahead raising a child who is different. What did happen though, is they but quite a lot of fear into a new mom.

I am the first of my generation to go this far educationally. The first to earn this degree. If I were not on this planet, my family would not have this moment. Not that they are too concerned, my mother is, she sees and respects the value of continued education. That's quite okay, this isn't for everyone else. this is MY fight song.

So for the woman scared to death on a hospital bed because her child was born different, because everyone was so concerned because she didn't know what that would mean for the life of her baby and for every mother like her who shares those fears.

Baby, it will be okay.

See you after graduation!

Musing :: Style : MAC Girl About Town

You can catch me wearing this often. I'm quite annoyed it came out so light in this photo.This my friends is MAC Girl About Town and it fits just like it sounds. It goes on smooth, has a slightly gloosy look nut a more creamy formula feel. Girl about town is bold but a bit dark. It cannot be ignored. It's feisty enough for a night on the town (thus the name I imagine) but classy enough for a black tie event, if you dare to be that striking.

I love it and am considering wearing it for my graduation day.

Do you have any lippies that are feisty and classy both at the same time?

Musing :: Style : My Way

I don't usually wear dresses but when I do I like to do it my way. The problem with that is my way isn't always catered to because the most that is seen is the conventional way. Story of our lives right?

I wore this on a rainy day exploring governors island.

Musing :: Style : Put It In Park

 A super fun exertion to battery park with new and old pals

Musing :: Style : Live A Rare Life

 This outfit is on of the first I wore when I retuned to the big apple after the NOAH Conference. Both this shirt and the bag came from an organisations showcasing at the conference. The shirt came from the HPS network. HPS is a strain of albinism that usually comes with dangerous organ complications, mainly that of the lung.

The bag was made by a mother of a person with albinism or a person with albinism in Tanzania. It was also given to me as a gift by one of my new close friends whom I met at the conference. Since I heard about the situation in Tanzania I really wanted to help some how but I couldn't figure out how or in what way. This was a fantastic way to provide aid in a way that encourages independence and leaves me feeling satisfied on my end that my money is both going to a good cause and I'm getting a great product out of it. Not that the product part is necessary but hey it's always a great incentive!

I love the message on this shirt don't you? It encourages to examine ourselves and the life we lead. It tells us that life is not only worth living but worth living in an extraordinary way. This summer really taught me that and I hope to never forget it.

Musing :: Style : Sweepin' the Clouds Away

 Remember how I said I kind of lived in dresses when I was on vacation? Well, here is one of them and do I ever love it! Turns out, is even reminiscent of Luna Lovegood which I only recently found out but only makes me love it more!

This dress is very summer, it is flared, it is floral but bright against a dark blue which happens to be one of my favourite shades. It also fits nicely. I love a dress that fits just on the knee or just below it as that's what makes me feel most comfortable.

I made many memories in this dress, particularly going to the Newyorican Poets Cafe and bible study at one of the New York branches of my church.

 The picture above is me and my main gal Mar hastag twinning hard and taking the train ride by intellectual storm.All of which was good fun!

I do hope your summer was as phenomenal. 

Musing :: Style : What's Wrong With Being Confident?

  // White shorts and orange blouse: Old Navy // Floral shoes : Payless

 

 Confession: I don't usually wear shorts in my country. I'm not a person who lavishes public attention. All the more because I'm always getting whether I like it or not. I often try to explain to people that it's one thing to be looked at when you want to be but when you look like I do, when you are outside of the norm, you don't get a choice. Eyes are on you whether you want them to be or not. Whether you are having a good day or a bad one. Everybody has days when they do not want to be seen and usually, you can get away with it. I never have a day when I can get away with such a thing.

Being a person who has people scream things at her no matter the mood or the time or the circomstance I don't often find myself in situations that would encourage it if I can help it. I'm a nice gal but I don't always want to discuss with you or defend or explain or justify why I look the way I do.

That being said, one of the reasons I love New York is that because I have lived a life of always being seen, when I go to such a big city I can disappear and I actually love that! I love the ability to be about my own business without interference. While in New York there was a heat wave and there was no way I was leaving the house in jeans. I pretty much lived in dresses and shorts. I was not over sexualised because of that fact or aggressively approach by person after person demanding that I explain my choices to them.

I was just girl beating the heat in whether appropriate clothing.

Peace. Love. Mind Your Own Business.

8 Tracks on My 2016 Summer Hit List

I love summer hits. Music that makes you want to dance and live. This year I'm compiling a list of the ones I was really feeling this July. Made all the better is the fact that every time I walked into a store in a happy mood a happy tune was also being played to accompany my perusing.

• // What's Wrong With Being Confident?
•  // Me Too
• // Cant Keep my Hands to Myself. 
• // Toothbrush
• // Kill em with Kindness.
• // Can't Stop the Feeling.
• // Don't Mind  
• // Welcome To New York

Musing :: Mind : A Fist Full of Faith

pictured above is a gift I received from anonymous donors, a rosary and a card.

I chimed in on the SheReadsTruth proverbs study very late and I'm sorry I did because it's a cute little short study and reading just one day was so relaxing and worth it.

In the post about adultery they dared to ask the question 'Who is the temptress wooing your heart right now?' and I found myself shamefully considering it because I already know who has been wooing my heart for quite some time now; disbelief.

You see I have entered into a deep partnership with my Lord when I agreed to be a Christian. I promised not just to believe Him but to believe in Him. This year He has gone out of His way, as I suspected He would, to show me that He is present, listening and capable of fulfilling my every need.

But some needs I have still foolishly hidden away. Placed on the floor of my heart, underneath the rug of sorts as though He would not be able to see them and the pain they caused....

Is not this too a form of adultery in the union I have promised to honour? I found myself wondering.

I need to stop saying I believe, I need to admit that I'm hiding away wishes as though they are impossible. Nothing is impossible with God.

So I through it all at the feet of my saviour at a very early point in the year. He challenged me to believe toe to toe with His will. Now believing in His might for others has always been fairly easy for me, I've always had a firm handle on that kind of faith but believing for me?! That's another kettle of fish on a horse of a different colour!

In 2016 I felt like my God was about to show off and He did. He told me He could certainly do it for me too. He told me that not only could he but even though He didn't have to, He would prove it and He did.

So in the first six months of the year, I grasped faith and fear in either hands. I decided to switch up the pressure I usually apply to each and hold faith with a firm hand while I held fear with a loose one.

It was NOT easy.

Often I found faith almost slipped through my fingers,  my fingers grasping on to it as though I fell asleep and almost dropped something very important. Sometimes I found myself squeezing fear in a tight fist until my knuckles and my chest were equally tight and I had to rely on my faith hand to pry it open flat again...

It was a huge learning process, painful and awe inspiring. It was riddled with confusion and blind steps into the notion that God is good whether I get what I want or not because God is sovereign and not a genie. I saw new sides of people who were once generous when I could give back to them, sides cloaked in selfishness and greed that had never been made known to me before. I saw people who I'd never seen before because I had always been able to feed myself, smiling at me now and offering help they couldn't know I needed...

I learned from whence blessings come; a true place of potent love, devoid of recipient. I learned that my past actions of kindness and generosity had not fallen on deaf ears. Suddenly people were reminding me that I was smart, that I was generous, that they believed in me like I believed in my goal....it was...divine and inspiring.

Do not read this and think I take this to mean I will always get what I want. I have gone many years accepting that I would not and could not in my time. I've lost many battles with Him and I'm being honest, I fought Him for it because I wanted those things and I didn't get them...but that is more than okay even though I didn't know it then.

Yeah, that's also easy to say after the fight too.

I've told you that my word for 2016 is victory but the phrase that is written on my heart every time I say or write it is victory in Jesus for only in Him does it come.

In the first six months of this year Jesus has taught me to trust in His all encompassing might while I still stood in the darkness, to open my eyes and receive His glory for me too not just for the people for whom I pray...and that shouldn't be so difficult...but it was one of the hardest things I've done. I placed down my self made amour and put on the armour of Christ. I believed there were steps where I could but see clouds. Then I let that sink in, cried, through a fit, slept it off and believed anyway. I never let my doubt supersede my belief. When everyone asked if? I said absolutely. When everyone asked how? I said God's got it.

I've got two hands, a saviour and and enemy. One fills my hand with faith and hope the other fills my hand with fear and doubt. I have learned that it is up to me which hand I lift to my mouth and feed myself with and which hand I let fall away from my face and lay still in peace.

He is the prince of peace and He grants me shelter therein. I feel like I'm rambling. Am I rambling? Well my point is I'M WENT NOAHCon!!!!!!

More on that very soon.

Peace. Love. A Fist Full of Faith.

Caribbean Plays I've Seen

Grenadian Plays I've Seen

- Turtle Lighting
- Burial of Ms. Faithlyn ft. Oliver
- Redemption Time
- Uncle
- The Wedding
- Sparkie
- The Election
- Eat Your Crix and Kix (not the name of the play, it was something about a visa but i just cant remember it, if anyone can fill me in I'd be grateful)
- Gary
- Struggle
- Master Thief

Now I wouldn't mind adding a Broadway musical to that beautiful extensive list. Say, Hamilton for example?

5 Things University Taught Me (About Me)

Photo taken in May 2011 when I first received my acceptance letter to UNI

1. I am much more driven than I thought.
 There were times I thought it was the end for me. it wasn't. 

2. My dreams are mine I'm sure of it.
 This degree has been what I've wanted since I first read the name of it in a magazine. I know what I want. I know that I know what I want because I enjoyed it too much. When my teachers were caught up in grades I was caught up in 'but that LITERATURE though!'

3. His strength is made perfect in my suffering,
   Yet though he slay me I WILL praise Him. Blessed is she who has believed.

4. My friends are more amazing than I knew.
  One semester a friend read my textbook for me when I couldn't because I had eye strain. One semester someone else recorded my notes for me because I had eye strain. One semester I failed and someone listened to me b*tch for quite a lengthy amount of time. One semester someone listened to me and helped me talk about school work so my auditory learner brain could function. One semester a friend listened to me read my notes allowed so I could remember it better even though she really wanted to go to bed. I saw who would follow their words with actions and not complaints.

5. I will sacrifice for it without doubt.
  That one is so harsh but it is so true. I know what I want and because I know what I want I am willing to sacrifice time. Over the past four years I missed things, big things, things that allowed me to become disconnected with the people I love. Scarily though, I love this more than a momentary connection. This love has been with me all of my life and if I have to choose between moments and it, I will cry as I walk away but I will choose it. Of course, easier to say because I don't have much in the way of the materials like husband, children and house yet.

Throw Back Thursday : That time I went to orientation at my university

 I'm about to take you into a time capsule of my life, the first day I stepped into my university as a real student. Imagine the scene, this was me cataloguing my time, fears and excitement.This me at the beginning of the first semester. I know because I wrote it on my very previous blog (thus the old watermark) I enjoyed reading this. Reflection, is still good.

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Orientation Ahoy, Success on the horizon
August 29th 2011


So I'm finally starting the degree I've longed for all my life. ^_^
It's crazy how you could want something for so long and then end up on the brink of getting it...It's like swimming in a wide open ocean for so long... rather...how Columbus must have felt, having been doubted for so long, that even he must have started to believe his dream was futile.

Everyday, waking up to more open sea, just floating and floating and floating until one day he feels a clench in his chest as one of this sailors screamed out 'Land!'

I imagine even he dared not believe it, even as he watched his dream now visible on the horizon, approaching him now, getting closer to him even as he got closer to it...anxiously awaiting that moment where they would meet in the middle and touch.

Not till he'd put his feet on dry land and his dream was tangibly real.

I went to orientations and this MOE worker, also a past pupil of my Uni and heck even a holder of the same degree I'm pursuing (I knew immediately cause we're cool like that you see :p) Her speech was so motivating I had to take down a couple points ^-^ She told us to:

Reflect, who are you doing this for? Is this a job pursuit you could see yourself doing for the rest of your life?

Check!

Right now it feels like this is it for me, I've wanted this for so long the idea of getting it makes me mush on the inside. I keep trying real hard to not dwell on all the door that will be open to me afterwards since hey, I haven't even started yet!

It WILL be tough!

Still, sometimes I can't help but smile at the possibility of finishing, the things I'll do, the places I'll see and the people I'll meet after I accomplish what has been my biggest life goal for so long. I tell myself, when I'm done, this is it, no more study, I'll finally have what I want and I can just live life.

Though I guess all those 'doors that will be open' thoughts just proves it doesn't it? This probably isn't 'it'' No matter how I feel right now, it's within human nature to want more, yet....I can't help but wonder...what WILL I want after this? I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a faint idea...or three ;)

Well, anyone who knows me knows that it pretty much already is now isn't it? lol! Well here's hoping it becomes even more deeply rooted in my heart :)

Ground yourself, it won't be easy. Find something that keeps you grounded and feeling secure. For some of us that will be God (hopefully I am one amongst that some) for others it might be their commitment to bettering their family for their new born son. Whatever it is, hold tight to it, cause things are about to get crazy.

This I am looking forward to and I suspect it will be thus. Heck working and studying tends to brings out a discipline and determination in yourself that shocks even you! You've got to succeed by FORCE. No ifs ands or buts about it and when you come out the other side of that tunnel, tired, warn but smiling with diploma in hand. A winner.

I look forward to it!
Quotes from Mrs. A. Philip

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Here I am now, in senior year! What do you think of my old school writing style! haha

Peace. Love. Begrudge not small beginnings.