Lately I've been digging up the soil of my career in order to plant a new seed. In order to grow. But growth is painful, growth is not pretty. So I've been hurting myself in favour of growth. Not physically, I haven't been inflicting physical pain upon myself but I have been cutting myself by mistake with the sharpness of my own tongue and tasting that irony flavour of my own passion fill my mouth. I've been letting that iron seep into my back,letting it teach me to stand straighter, more erect, more firmly rooted in thoughts that had been stored away on soft pretty pillows for years.
Lately I've been broken by new experiences and found myself learning to use the pieces of one puzzle to create a whole new picture with a different mood and tone but with the same purpose as the last.
Lately I have been sewing together a new 'Joseph coat' of efficiency. Multi coloured, multi faceted, multi disciplined! Lately I've been learning to return to a state of genesis where a unique experience is concerned and to make ready for the freedom and struggle of the exodus in manner that will follow.
It's hard being bad at something you are accustomed to being good at... very very good at. Even if this confusion is just temporary it is certainly disconcerting. It's hard acknowledging that you are figuring it all out all over again. Just because you have won a battle doesn't mean you have won it forever, that sometimes the same daemon or its cousin or twin brother can double back on you and try to have a next go right there, out in the open, out in the streets like a dog fight, over a situation you either won or one that is so similar to a battle won you roll your eyes at the notion of the attack but...you've still got to pony up!
But I'm stooping to concur. This is my prowling stage, this is me laying in wait and learning the movements of my enemy before I pounce. This is me humbled. This is me changing for the better.
This is the process before the product.
Do you ever feel growth happening?
Peace. Love. Growing pains.
I'm breaking my recent two post a week schedule because I feel like i owe you one after yesterday's post had a little trouble my lovelies :) You can check out my liebster award vlog here now I had some trouble with the link yesterday but now it's all fixed, don't forget to tell me what you think!