Saturday, 30 December 2017

2017 Recap: On being the Princess, the Dragon and the Knight and his Horse

Cool picture aboard the Logos Hope

So here is what happened to me in 2017:

I stopped complaining about things I was worried about and started investing my time in activity that could fix it. Which is to say, I stopped saying I cannot cook, started cooking things, got better at it, got bored of it, started saying instead I do not cook, understood the difference and walked away from the experience understanding that I can feed myself and not die of starvation if I ever have to do so but generally, don't like doing it and have no time to waste in this life doing things I don't like doing, if I don't have to do. I did some serious adulting. I worked myself ragged. I was under appreciated for it. I wrote and wrote and wrote and thrived between the pages. I read like my life depended on it because parts of it did. I had a mental health break down of sorts or two or five who's counting? I got the heck outta dodge. My problems followed me because DUH. I let my problems talk shit to me for a long time. I let my problems talk sense to me on in empty train cars when it was just us. I danced! I walked. I trusted myself. I saw that I could. I believed that I could and I did. I got lost in the middle of an unfamiliar big city and freaked out about it. I got unlost and wasn't good to myself about it. I got lost a lot more. I got unlost and triumphed. I had pink hair. I let go.  I was ignored. I cried less. I smiled less too. I worried. I got very sick, a lot. I had surgery but you know that's like every year now and I tried to accept that this is my life now. I drank more water. I loved. I had love taken advantaged, I decided to stop giving away my trust. I didn't get out of bed. I got out of bed. I got really passive aggressive with God. I loved and trusted Him anyway. I got hurt by people who promised they would never do so... on purpose. I changed.  I appreciated leaves and rain and sea. I remembered that I am a boss. I was a boss. I got really sick some more. I got frustrated about it. I got angry at my body. I got angry at my heart. I grieved my past. I grieved my dreamy future. I was gracious with myself. I directed some of that wealth of kindness I had to give inward. I changed some more. I made great strides as a business woman. I did work for my clients and they were satisfied with it. My business grew. I planned. I had plans fail. I had to slow down. I got angry. I got loud. I fought back. I spoke up. I walked away. I appreciated me when others did not. I pin pointed character flaws in myself that though meant for good were miscommunicated. I saved those parts of myself for other parts of my life. I slept. I woke. I kept going. I didn't die. I found new dreams of which to be afraid. I didn't die. I keep going.

It's been a hell of a year but I'm still here.

Hey 2018, here's spit in your eye.


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