So I'm betting you're asking:
But Lizelle, why not just get a domain name, why would you go to the trouble of changing your blogger address again?!
Well valued reader, I'll tell you!
Could I have simply gone the domain name route? Yes, probably but I am not at a point in my life where I can maintain a domain yet. I am a student and the money I work for stakes up to 1 of mine = 3 U.S dollars so how I spend money has to be scrutinized and then scrutinized again and then scrutinized after that. This is made to be even more so as I am not just in school but I am working while I do it. So I am factoring costs to get to work, tuition, textbooks, medical payments with my albino always fighting of skin cancer with a stick self, my book launch in the works now set back and of course, as any teacher knows, expenses that come up as a result of being a teacher (hungry kiddos who cant afford meals, no pencil bla bla and other hypercriticals). So while the cost of a domain may seem small and well worth it in the long run, everything in time :) I really did consider it this time though but I had a bit of an unexpected down pour of financial commitments lately...
Still, it did bother me to be operating under my she must be new name. If you've been a follower for more than a year or two you probably noticed when my blog title first changed from She Must Be New to Sandals & Sunnies. This post, previously my about me page in fact, hints as to the reason behind the first name but what is the reason behind this one?
Well, likely by now you know I am of Caribbean origins. I also have albinism. Those very real facts are a big part of my life. If you think about it, it makes sense to live your life in sandals and sunnies if you live in the Caribbean (it was almost flip flops and sunnies as that makes even more sense but that did not sound quite as pretty!) Plus because of photofobia (extreme sensitivity to light) caused by albinism, you will hardly find me without sunglasses anyway, for me they are not just a fashion statement, they ARE my glasses.
Aside from these aspects of my blog title making literal sense in my life, they have quite a metaphoric meaning to me as well. You see sandals and sunnies is about who I am in a very unique way. I am a person who believes strongly in making due with where you are until you get where you want to be, even as you work towards that destination. For years many people I know and even I have previously fallen victim in our circumstances, seeing only the negative about where we are geographically located, economic costs, government status, poverty levels, you name it, (basically all the things the media doesn't readily show you), made even more difficult to accept due to the generation we are and are leading into...
It took a while but as I grew and matured it became clearer and clearer to me the toxicity of hating your circumstance instead of expelling your energy in finding beauty where it is rather than kicking your feet and anger up at where it is not. I know that everybody's circumstances are not the same but for me it became all the clearer the importance of cherishing the Caribbean sky, access to the ocean free, crowd free and shaded whenever I desire and the fact that I get to belong where people save their lives trying to get to.
I am not saying I will never leave because leaving too is a part of life. The world is big and I am not interested in only just this page....but I no longer want to spend my life dwelling on the things I cannot change in the time I want to change it. I want to find beauty, make beauty, clear my eyes and SEE beauty not for what we think it is or want it to be but for what it ACTUALLY is, things like: freedom, friendship and laughter, things like fresh coconut water that literally grows outside my door, things like unprocessed sugar, and knowing how chocolate is made, picking its origins with my own hand and growing up not even knowing that.
There are so many joys out there to be had. Sandals and Sunnies reminds me to walk in comfort and live in a vision of clarity both literally and metaphorically. It reminds me not to dwell too much in the path of others, wanting their lives and their colours of beauty but to appreciate my truest most authentic self as beautiful and worthy of adoration. It is only by chance that more often than not you find me living in actual Sandals and Sunnies haha. Silly awesome crazy world....
It made me uncomfortable living in a vision of yesteryear. It was making me feel stuck, disorganised and crowded. Yes, my blog title did all that! Haha Bloggers take it seriously yo! I wanted to step bravely into the vision I have for my blog not hold on due to familiarity or fear.
I didn't want to be bound to something old over the possible loss of followers. I love you all so much, you must know that by now but I think the blogging word gets so bogged down with the acquisition of big figures. I don't have giant figures like a lot of other bloggers out their but I didn't want a hope to excel to keep me locked away into something I no longer felt as tied to.
As writers, we have the power to change the conversation. So I changed the conversation from she must be new to Sandals & Sunnies. I doubt that it will change again as I will likely purchase a domain name next, once I graduate maybe? I am comfortable with that and I hope you will be too.
So maybe this part of the journey is about identity and authenticity.
Peace. Love. Take Command of your own comfort.
What a beautiful, beautiful post. I feel I understand you so much better now. I love your blog precisely because you seem so proud of your Caribbean heritage: having been there (to 'my' island - we used to go for 2.5 months at a time every summer for the last ten years), I know most young people (and a lot of older ones) just want to leave, because of the negative things about life there. But, as you say, sometimes one has to stop and realise 'I'm here' and just get on with it (exactly what I'm doing at this point in my life). It's your homeland, your country, your heritage. That should be a source of pride, however many things you'd like to change about it. Good on you. Love ya, girl, love ya just that little bit more now ;) Well done you. You must be so, sp proud of yourself, for everything you've achieved, and are achieving....xxxx
ReplyDeleteI didn't think much of your name change only that you probably didn't feel "new" to the blogging world anymore and wanted to progress .. Sandals and Sunnies is a really cute blog name :-) I like it.
ReplyDeleteMonica, www.pear-shaped-gal.com
Thanks Monica! I didn't think of it that way but now that you mention it, not an untrue point you have there! haha
ReplyDeleteAw love ya right back! I don't know about the 'proud of everything you've accomplished' bit as i don't usually feel like I've accomplished too much but I'm working on changing that feeling lol
ReplyDeleteIt seems to me that you've accomplished Quite A Lot! [Studying whilst working whilst dealing with health issues *cannot* be easy....]
ReplyDeleteit really isn't...thanks for the words of encouragement!
ReplyDelete