Musing :: Mind : Sometimes Good People Lose

 (The tattoo I would get if I were the tattoo getting type ; the type who would not bore of a tattoo very very quickly)

Most people don't know this but...and this is something hard for people who really know my talkative boisterous self to believe even..but...

Sometimes, extrovert or no, I just want to be left alone. All alone. Even if it's in an empty house at night while it rains and i take a shower in the dark, in bed one morning when i don't get up but stay in my sheets all day as i relish the grey heaviness of the clouds or just at home in the complete silence sitting on the sofa.

Not moving, remaining still for hours. Staring at nothing. Not thinking.

Sometimes I just need to go away and have you not talk to me, no matter how much I love you. You wouldn't know because this is a rare feeling, twice in a year for the most I think...

Sometimes I need to just go away and look into myself because sometimes the depression and the sadness and the doubt in life win. Sometimes I just need to be and rejuvenate and remember why I love me, not why you love me, why I love me.

This can last a day, three days, a week. You wouldn't know because I am fine, because i will be fine and I will come back to you as bright and as loud and happy as before because this fight is never ending for me and it is not new, I've been fighting this fight for a long time and God help me I've no intention to lose now but...

even a seasoned sea soldier, needs to let his eyes adjust to the darkness before they can see the beam from the lighthouse, reflecting on the water... so that they can safely find their way back to solid ground again.

Peace. Love. Solider On.